Maybe you work with one, maybe you’re friends with one, or maybe you are dating one…Many of us have experienced a person who always seems to be throwing themselves a pity party. This person blames everyone else when things go wrong; they think bad things only happen to them, and they don’t see a point in trying to change things. These are classic signs of victim mentality, which can be a lot to deal with. Let’s discuss.
What Is Victim Mentality?
Victim mentality is a term used to describe someone who wallows in self-pity, spews negativity, and forces those sentiments on everyone around them. They tend to blame others for their feelings and don’t believe anything can change their circumstances. It’s important to note that the underlying cause of this behavior is often pain and distress.
Signs of Victim Mentality
A few signs that indicate a victim mentality include:
- Placing blame on external factors when something goes wrong
- Seeing the world as unfair or unsafe
- Emotional unavailability
- Being overly critical
- Harmful thinking patterns
- Keeping score in relationships
- Limited empathy
- Feeling unseen
- Social isolation
How to Deal
How do you deal with someone who always plays the victim? Here are a few ways you can assist them without draining yourself.
Practice Empathy
The next time you’re invited to the pity party, try using comforting statements such as “I hear you” or “I understand.” These statements make a person feel seen and understood, which can go a long way. Consider what you would do in their shoes and offer them that insight.
Respond as an Outsider
Clarify in the conversation that you are listening as an outsider and considering both sides of the situation. This perspective keeps you from playing referee and helps you get to the root of the problem. Plus, listening as an outsider keeps you from being emotionally involved.
Throw a Little Joke In
If appropriate, find a way to poke a little fun at the situation. Sometimes, a person needs a gentle reminder that we don’t have to take everything so seriously. Just be sure you don’t take the jokes too far.
Stick to the Facts
Many of us are guilty of making a story more colorful than it was, but those with a victim mentality tend to ignore facts and tell their side of the story. If you notice this happening, draw them back to the facts to keep them on track.
Don’t Pick Sides
Remain objective in conversation to identify certain behaviors and actions to get to the root of the problem. Don’t fall for the whole “he said, she said” battle because that doesn’t help anyone.
How do you deal with people who always play the victim? Share your experience with us in the comments below!