Dating can be enough of an emotional roller coaster without letting the experience wound your self-esteem. You meet someone and go out on a date. They don’t call the next day. Or you think a new relationship is headed toward bliss and then suddenly they ghost you without warning. What’s up with that? You start casting yourself as a dating failure. Your estimation of your worth involuntarily plummets.
Know that wanting to share your life with someone is natural, and the odds are in your favor. Although the search can be tough, here are five ways to stop tying your self-esteem to your success in dating.
Start by believing that you are enough.
All by yourself you are enough. Your value doesn’t depend on attracting someone who is handsome (or beautiful), successful or famous. You are a whole person who is worth a great deal. The belief that you must have someone to complete you will only bring misery. Every date will be burdened with pressure.
What if it doesn’t work out? What if they don’t like you? And then every rejection will reaffirm your worry that you don’t have enough to offer. Start with faith in yourself and you won’t be shaken by the uncertainties of dating. Your dating success in finding a mate does not determine your value.
Don’t be so serious.
A date is not a job interview for romance. You’re not determining the rest of your future in a relentless search for a permanent mate. Approach your date as an opportunity to get acquainted with someone without the stultifying pressure of expectation. Focus on having fun on your date and enjoying yourself. You will likely have a pleasant time even if you don’t find the love of your life.
Stop worrying there’s only one Mr. Right.
Rest assured there are lots of people in the world who would, at the least, enjoy your company. There are even plenty who would love to have you as their soul mate. The supply of potential partners is not limited. If a relationship does not work out, you have not used up your quota of people who could love you. You have a lot to give, and there’s no deadline on your desirability.
Don’t let rejection discourage you.
Rejection hurts and getting dumped by someone you like hurts the most. Here’s the takeaway: When someone walks away, it doesn’t mean you are not good enough. Every one of us carries emotional baggage that shapes how we select partners, and you can’t always know what’s in the other person’s baggage.
If someone decides to dump you, know that that’s their decision. Take comfort in knowing they are not right for you and move on. Let them go. You are plenty good enough for the man who recognizes your value.
Realize your fears are not grounded in facts.
Many of us are fearful about relationships. We’re afraid someone will not love us if we reveal too much of ourselves. We fear we’re not good enough to be loved. Commitment scares us and we fear getting trapped into a relationship we can’t get out of.
If negativity plays in your head, stop the tape. Don’t sabotage the potential for a relationship by concentrating on fears that are not grounded in fact. Replace hurtful thoughts with positive affirmation of your worth. Focus on recognizing that you are worthy of receiving love.