This Mother’s Day can be the best on the books if you give your Mom the gift of a better relationship. You may already have a healthy and loving relationship, but generation gaps and childhood experiences can cause friction between even the most harmonious mother and child. A lot of work, communication and even compromise goes into forging a healthy adult bond between mothers, daughters and sons. Working at creating and maintaining a non-judgmental atmosphere will go far as the dynamics of your relationship changes over the years.
Keep an open mind. Try to see your mother as a person who has her own dreams and passions. Realize that your mother is both herself and a product of her childhood and life experiences, and that you are alike in many ways but different in others.
Accept things that may have been troublesome during your relationship growing up and move on. Differences aren’t battles to be won but rather areas where you can seek compromise and understanding. Respect, learning to say you’re sorry, and a lot of love will better your relationship!
Acknowledge the good things your mother has done for you in the past and hopefully continues to do. Don’t forget to thank her. These tips can help you give your Mom the best Mother’s Day gift of all.
Instead of trying to change your mother, if you are, think about how you can change your behavior to better interact with her. Don’t unrealistically expect her to always be available to take care of your kids or help you with things she used to help you with. This would be continuing the caretaker parent/dependent child relationship.
Instead, agree on realistic expectations about what you need from each other. Support your mother’s decisions to start or continue doing different things that are in her best interests.
Creating boundaries is important in any relationship, especially with those that are emotionally charged. Mother-daughter relationships can be tricky because personal identities are so bound up in them. Think about how your personal identity differs from your mother’s. How can you each occupy your roles without stepping on the other’s toes? Avoid old, toxic topics that are constant sources of friction and that only bring you pain but never any resolution. Knowing that certain topics are off limits can make your relationship smoother.
Learn to Communicate
If a Mom prefers a phone call but their daughter or son prefers to text, even the method of communication can become a source of friction. This is an area where compromise is needed so both of you feel comfortable. Tell your Mom that texting lets you stay in touch even when you’re busy or have your hands full or the hour is late, and she may see the convenience. Then make a real effort to pick up the phone more often.
Spend Time Together
Create opportunities to make special memories together even when life is hectic or you are far apart from each other. Make dinner reservations or grab a quick cup of coffee. Plan a quick vacation getaway just for the two of you. If she is far away, plan FaceTime dates so you two can catch up, or just make that much desired phone call.