Why Am I Still Single?

Many people unknowingly establish certain behavior patterns when dating to protect themselves through the dating process. If you are struggling to make changes in yourself while dating, you can identify and re-write the patterns that hold you back from finding and accepting love. Here are some patterns that might explain why you are still single.

You have unfinished business with your ex.

The time it takes to heal from a breakup varies with each person and each breakup. Until you’ve truly left the old relationship, you may need to take a break from serious dating. If you still have emotional ties with your ex, you may not be ready for a new relationship.  Unfinished business can take the form of feeling hurt, angry, alone, or sad. Cutting ties with your ex permanently and taking time to yourself and focusing on the important things in your life until you feel you have healed will help you re-enter the dating process. 

You are too picky.

Your list of qualifications is long. He must be tall, handsome, funny, successful, kind, well-educated, on and on and on. If a potential partner must check off every box on a long, inflexible list, you may be limiting yourself from getting to know a really great guy. Setting standards that are impossibly high may conceal that you’re looking for ways to protect your heart. Let your guard down and date someone you know is trustworthy and kind. 

You are not picky enough.

If you are dating everyone that likes your online profile, you may be putting up more walls than you think because of the amount of people you are trying to connect with. If you have a lot of date options, try to keep it to the ones you really think are genuine and get to know them instead of everyone. 

You are wary of commitment.

Have you noticed that you tend to sabotage relationships when they start to become too committed? It’s perfectly okay to value your independence, but remember your ultimate relationship goals and fight the urge to run when things are progressing. If you are feeling uncomfortable with the commitment either emotionally or physically, try talking to your date about it. Communication is key.

You’re dating people who are wary of commitment.

Pursuing partners who don’t want to be in a relationship is an almost sure way to stay single. If intimacy and commitment are important to you, make the decision to move on so that you can find someone that has the same goals as you. 

You’ve suffered a broken heart.

Heartbreak can leave you fearful, miserable and alone. But while the heart can break, the heart can also heal. Don’t be afraid to love again. Keep your heart and your mind open. Time heals. 

You’re hiding your true self.

If you think a stranger on a date won’t like the real you, you may hide behind a persona that you think will appeal to him. Eventually the disguise will slip, and he may find the two of you are seriously mismatched. Being authentic on a date takes courage. Work on building self-esteem that empowers you to be yourself and create a lasting relationship.

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