Is There an Upside to Dating an Insecure Man?

Dating an insecure man can feel like a welcome opposite to dating a narcissist or a predator. The insecure man craves your approval and your company. You are the center of his universe, and he showers you with attention. But when his sweet attentiveness turns to overwhelming obsession, you can feel smothered and trapped. As his constant need for reassurance sucks the love out of your relationship, you wonder if dating an insecure man is worth it.

Some insecure men lack confidence and doubt their abilities, while others do not. Both have a higher sensitivity to their relationship, and the insecurity they have may come from other experiences they have had. Both can have healthy relationships with their partners by taking steps to nurture the relationship by creating boundaries that both people are comfortable with. Some men are so severely insecure that having a healthy relationship with them can be nearly impossible.

If you think the guy is great, you may be able to carry on a relationship despite his doubts. You should not take ownership of his insecurity. Insecurity can be overcome but only when he recognizes his insecurity and takes responsibility for healing it.

The insecure man tends to be distrustful and jealous. He is possessive and may be critical of your lifestyle choices. He may even pressure you to change the way you dress. The more you cave in to his toxic demands to give up your individuality, friends or family may make his insecurity worse. Abandoning exercise class or yoga will not help. Don’t let him shrink your world down to just him. Giving up everything else in your life for him should not be the price you pay for his lack of confidence and self-doubt.

While being smothered with love and affection is good for a short or long time for many women, beware of the nearly impossible men to deal with:

He says that you’re his reason for living.

Being the center of someone’s world may sound wonderful, but IRL it’s way too much pressure to live up to. When your relationship hits a snag, it’s going to be on you when his world falls apart.

He wants to be with you every minute of every day.

He makes you feel guilty if you plan to meet a friend and can’t go out with him. He makes you feel guilty if you need to work or do things that don’t involve him.

He is jealous of your friends.

He calls and texts to check up on you when you’re out with your friends. He gets upset when you meet coworkers for a drink after work. He’s suspicious of your platonic male friends, or outright says that hanging with them is a dealbreaker.

He has no outside interests or friends.

He doesn’t hang out with anyone but you. When he’s not with you, he’s at home thinking about you. It might feel good to bask in this attention for a while, but be cautious of these red flags for a future lifestyle with this person.

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