Hear us out, life is kind of like a TV series. Characters change,e things shift, new characters are introduced, and you will become different versions of yourself as old seasons end, and new seasons begin. It’s not at all uncommon to outgrow those around you as you and your friends venture down different paths. This transitional phase can be confusing, so here are a few signs you may be outgrowing those around you and how to handle the change.
Signs You’re Outgrowing Them
Figuring out you’ve outgrown friends that you have memories with and emotional ties to is no simple task, but friendships you’ve outgrown can be draining. Use these tips to reflect upon your current friendships and to help you figure out what moving forward should look like.
You Feel Forced Into Being an Older Version of Yourself
Sometimes it’s nice to feel like a kid again, but if you feel like you have to be an older version of yourself to be around someone, whether you want to or not, to connect to this person, this is often a sign that your old self is friends with this person and not so much the new you that has evolved over time. Forcing yourself to be the old you can be exhausting and make you feel like an imposter.
You Complain About Them to Other People
Venting to other people is totally normal if something has happened within the friendship. But if you’re only ever venting, or let’s be honest, complaining about someone, this is a surefire sign it could be time to rethink things.
You Aren’t Excited to See Them
It’s normal to not want to see a friend every now and then for one reason or another; maybe you recently had a tiff or you need to have a difficult conversation with them, but if there’s no apparent reason you’re dreading seeing this person, this could be a sign you’ve outgrown one another because, for the most part, you should be pretty excited to hang out and catch up.
You Can’t Be Yourself
You should never feel like you have to mince words or hide who you are for fear of losing a friendship. This is not only exhausting, but it prohibits you from being yourself. This is not an honest or healthy relationship, and when you really get down to it, if you can’t be yourself, it’s like they’re friends with a totally different person who just has your face.
You Don’t Feel Great After You Hang
Friends should make you feel better, they should fill your cup, so to speak. If instead of feeling glad or newly encouraged after a hangout sesh, you feel drained, a little sad, or just like you need some time to yourself, it may be time to reconsider the relationship.
You Look for ANY Reason to Bail
Your schedule is packed solid, you being physically and/or mentally exhausted, or just needing a night to yourself are all valid reasons to cancel plans with anyone, but if you’re reluctant to hangout just based on the person you’re supposed to be hanging out with is just another sign that you may actually find this person draining. At the end of the day, you should want to hang out with your friends.
You Don’t Have Much to Talk About
Now, there is not always tea to spill. Still, friends can almost always find something to talk about, even if it’s rehashing old middle school drama that didn’t involve either of you. Still, if you consistently have nothing to talk about with a friend, neither of you is dull, it could just mean you aren’t as compatible as you once were.
You Don’t Feel Supported
Friends not supporting your choices or the journey you’re on because they don’t agree with it could be a sign that they are unknowingly looking for a friend whose values align with theirs. There is nothing wrong with this, but at the end of the day your friends are a support system, so if you aren’t feeling support from certain friends, it could be time to move on.
How to Deal
Outgrowing a friendship is a pretty normal thing that happens as priorities and interests change, but that doesn’t mean it’s an easy thing to do. Here are some pointers on how to handle this delicate situation.
Allow Yourself to Be Sad
Allow yourself to feel all of the emotions if we’re being honest. Having to put some distance between you and someone you have a history with is a sad thing even though it’s oftentimes for the better.
Be Kind to Yourself
You are not a bad person for having to distance yourself or end this chapter of friendship, so there is absolutely no need to punish yourself. You’re moving forward with your best interests in mind and that is something to be proud of yourself about.
Take a Break
Sometimes both parties need a break to gain some perspective, recharge, and reflect. Much like a romantic relationship, a friendship break gives both parties a chance to see how they feel and what life is like without that other person. The trick here is to make sure nothing stays unresolved and you do at some point check back in with one another.
Set Boundaries
Be firm but kind as you begin to set boundaries by stating what your needs, wants, and limits are. Don’t apologize or make excuses, you have no reason to be sorry and excuses are only sugar-coating the truth. Make sure that before the conversation is over, you’ve told them how much you care about them, but also reiterate that you have to prioritize your mental and emotional health.
Limit Time With Them
Consider not reaching out as often and instead using your time to focus on other things such as school, your career, making new friends, etc. Honesty with your friend about this transitional time is the best policy so you don’t start to feel guilty.
Pursue New Connections
Outgrowing friends often means you’re looking for new qualities in friends which leads to new connections. Maybe the friends you’ve outgrown still go out a lot and you’re looking for friends whom you can stay in with. Whatever the case may be, you can feel free to start making plans with people who you feel you may have more in common with.