The journey to parenthood looks different for everyone. For some couples, conception is as simple as doing the deed at the right time. But for others, it’s just not that easy, and they may go months, even years, with no success. Couples may feel embarrassed, surprised, heartbroken, and isolated; and if you know someone battling infertility, it can be confusing to know how to react and support them. But trust us: They need you now more than ever. While there’s no how-to book, unfortunately, we can give you a few pointers.
One Word: Listen
When going through something as confusing, frustrating, and mentally taxing as infertility, sometimes your loved one just needs someone to listen. This isn’t the time to ask why they aren’t adopting, complain about your own pregnancy, or reinforce that this is all part of a bigger, better plan. Instead, let them talk, vent, or even scream in a safe, non-judgmental space, and just listen.
No Advice Needed
Unless your friend asks for it, there is no need to dish out advice. Let their diet, workout, stress management, and lifestyle choices be between them and their doctor. You can ask how you can best support them at this time.
Be Inclusive
Suppose you or another friend is having a baby shower, or your group is heading to a winery next weekend, and you aren’t sure about inviting your friend struggling with infertility because you don’t want to upset them. But we say: Always extend an invitation. Leaving someone out at this time can feel even more isolating, so understand that they may not show up, but the simple gesture of inviting them can make all the difference.
Be Gentle When Discussing Your Own Pregnancy or Little Ones
If you are pregnant or have kids of your own, your friend struggling with infertility is not the one to complain to because these often serve as painful reminders of what they are experiencing. Another sensitive topic is finding out you’re expecting amid their infertility. You may be tempted to avoid sharing the news, but it’s better to be honest with them before they hear it from someone else, giving them space to work through their feelings. Be thoughtful as you move forward by discussing other things and checking in with them.
DIY
You’re bound to have questions about infertility, especially if you’re not ready for a family yet or are choosing not to have kids, but any questions you may have should be reserved for Google. There, you can read up on infertility, miscarriages, infant loss, and so much more without having to quiz your loved one about it while they’re going through it.
Do you have any tips for supporting a friend battling infertility? Share them with us in the comments below!