Few things are as deflating as having a friend who bails on you time and time again. They’re fun, thoughtful, interesting, and hilarious, but not knowing if they will show up is causing major problems in your friendship. You may wonder if you should stay friends with this person, but before you do anything too drastic, here’s our guide to dealing with flaky friends.
Notice Their “How”
Pay attention to your friend’s behavior: How often do they cancel plans? Do they apologize when they do so? Do they tell you in advance or moments before? Do they treat you differently when you are alone vs. in a group? If they give you any indication that your friendship gets shoved to the side a lot, it may be time to talk to them about how you’re feeling.
Practice Compassion
The last thing we want is for a friendship to suffer because of underlying issues such as mental health or problems at home. If your friend is constantly flaking, don’t hesitate to check in – it may be just what they need.
ABC: Always Be Confirming
Your plans, of course. Say you made plans that are quickly approaching, and you start to doubt whether they’ll actually show, text or call them a ring to confirm you’re still on. If you have turned down other opportunities, let them know you’ve made time for them and expect them to do the same.
Set Clear Boundaries
Make it clear how canceling plans or not showing up makes you feel. Our friends aren’t mind readers, so if they’ve ever bailed and you said it was “no problem,” they may think they did nothing wrong. Talk to them and let them know how you feel, then set appropriate boundaries.
Have a Standing Appointment
What we perceive as flaky may be our friend mismanaging their time or themselves. Consider meeting on the same day at the same time as often as you like. This way, they can make other plans around your standing appointment for lunch or coffee to catch up.
Not Plus One Material
While you and your flaky friend work through your issues, don’t rely on them to show up as your plus one at an event – no matter how much fun you think you would have together. This way, you’re not setting yourself up for disappointment.
Find New Friends
If you’ve tried talking to your friend and setting healthy boundaries, and they still don’t appear to be trying, it may be time to surround yourself with people that always show up. Remember, if it matters to you, it should matter to them. And you deserve only the best, most present friends.
How have you dealt with flaky friends? Share your experience with us in the comments below!