Backhanded Compliments Will Always be Awkward, but Here’s How to Recognize and Respond to Them

Unfortunately, many of us have been on the receiving end of a backhanded compliment. They can be tricky to navigate, especially when they come from people who are good at dishing them out. But once you can properly recognize them, you can adequately respond to them. Let’s take a closer look at these awkward conversational tidbits.

What Is a Backhanded Compliment?

A backhanded compliment is an insult poorly disguised as a compliment. It’s important to note that not all backhanded compliments are mean-spirited; sometimes, people say things out of ignorance. You can typically tell you’ve received a backhanded compliment if you suddenly feel bad or doubt your abilities.

Recognizing a Backhanded Compliment Like a Pro

Backhanded compliments often include a personal opinion of critique, whereas authentic praise is specific, genuine, and free of criticism. For example, if someone says, “It’s amazing how different you look with makeup,” it may sound like a compliment, but when you break it down, it can also imply that your natural appearance isn’t as attractive.

Or, if you’re new at your job, someone may say, “You’re doing a good job for a beginner!” Once again, this may sound like a compliment, but it implies that your work is only good for someone with little to no experience.

Another example: After achieving something wonderful, someone may say, “I never expected this of you!” which sounds like they doubted your abilities or how much you deserve your achievement.

Again, not all backhanded compliments are mean-spirited. So, before you respond, it’s always a good idea to consider a person’s intentions.

Responding to a Backhanded Compliment

Despite intentions, backhanded compliments can sting. If you think you’ve received a backhanded compliment, ask yourself if you feel hurt, unseen, doubted, or angry. Once you’re ready to respond, there are options.

Ignore It

If you know someone is trying to get your attention with backhanded compliments, sometimes the tactic is to ignore them.

Say “Thanks” and Move On

This tactic is most effective when people dish out backhanded compliments out of ignorance. Sometimes, you just have to respond with a “thank you” and move on to protect your peace.

Deflect With a Joke

Joking is a light-hearted approach to an otherwise awkward conversation, but it can also catch the offender off-guard.

Go a Different Direction

If you’ve just received a backhanded compliment, change the topic to shut down the negative one.

Only Acknowledge the Positive Part

For a backhanded compliment to live up to its name, there has to be a compliment in there somewhere, so respond by only focusing on the positive part.

Address the Issue Head-On

Too many backhanded compliments can take a toll on a relationship and must be addressed. It’s okay to consider your thoughts and feelings and address the issue at a later time. Remember, cool heads prevail.

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