Every relationship, even the healthiest ones, has conflict. But when hurt feelings are swept under the rug, toxicity can spring. It’s called resentment, and it’s one of the worst things that can happen to a couple. Here are some of the biggest reasons you can start to resent your partner and vice versa.
One-Sided Feelings
If you often show affection to your partner, but they’re not returning the favor, your relationship may appear to be dominated by one-sided feelings. When left unchecked for an extended period of time, resentment can creep in. Step one in fixing this issue is communication. Let your partner know how you feel before it turns into resentment.
Feeling Like You Contribute More to the Relationship
Many things can make you feel like you’re contributing more to your relationship, including doing more around the house, taking care of the children, contributing more money, or planning date nights. This type of resentment can also be fixed with proper communication. Discuss your feelings and devise a solution you both agree on.
Feeling Rejected
Sometimes you or your partner may have a decreased desire for sex, and that’s okay. What’s not okay is consistent rejection. Saying no to intimacy can impact confidence in the relationship. So if your partner says something about feeling rejected, take it seriously. If you’re the partner that feels rejected, speak up.
One Partner Stops Doing Little Thoughtful Things
Sometimes, it’s the little things that count. At the beginning of a relationship, your partner may do certain things to make you feel special, like picking up your favorite snack at the grocery store, cleaning the ice off your windshield on a cold morning, or leaving sticky notes around the house with love affirmations. Unfortunately, when the little things stop, you may feel like your partner doesn’t care as much as they once did. If you bring it up to your partner and there’s no change, you may need to alter your expectations. If you’re that person who doesn’t do the little things, try to change your actions for the better.
Some more common examples of resentment can be found here – written by women in committed relationships (or those who left committed relationships).