If you’re in a healthy relationship where you’re both happy and respect each other, but you struggle to take the next step or have a hard time being vulnerable with your partner, then there’s a chance you’re facing a fear of commitment.
Now, a fear of commitment can stem from a number of issues, including worrying about rejection, feeling insecure about what you bring to the table, valuing your privacy too much, or even a fear of abandonment. Are you unsure whether you have a fear of commitment? Here are a few common signs.
You Engage in Self-Sabotage
People afraid of commitment typically self-sabotage their relationships soon after noticing that their feelings are getting stronger. This can include doing something you know will end the relationship (like standing them up too many times in a row), acting like you don’t care about the relationship, or ending the relationship altogether.
You Like to Keep Things Casual
If you consistently only want to be “just friends” with a potential partner, it could be a sign you fear commitment. If you never desire to be more than casually dating or always break things off after a month or two, you may want to think about why that is.
Making Plans Is Tough
A fear of commitment can show itself in ways that don’t have anything to do with relationships. For instance, you may struggle to make social or travel plans with friends or family.
You’re Scared of Getting Hurt (Again)
Some people have a hard time moving on from previous relationships or separating one relationship from another. An example could be if a past partner cheated on you, and now you find yourself breaking off relationships because you assume they’ll cheat.
You Have Told Yourself Repeatedly You Don’t Want to Commit
The mind is powerful, and it’s possible that between school, family, and career, you’ve convinced yourself that you don’t want to commit to another person. Taking time to focus on your health, education, and family is normal, but using these things as excuses for being non-committal in relationships is not.
Overcoming Your Fear
First things first: Get to the root of the issue. If you’re having trouble figuring out why you have a fear of commitment, a relationship coach may help. Next, you’ll have to face your fears. Once you uncover the problem, it’s time to address it head-on. Then, once you’ve worked through the problem, it’s time to open yourself to the possibilities of a committed relationship. Finally, surround yourself with people in happy relationships. You’ll learn more than you think by observing how they act around and for each other.