Are Separate Bedrooms The Secret To A Happier Marriage?

Partners who sleep together wake each other up an average of six times a night by snoring, tossing and turning or talking in a subconscious state. Waking up after interrupted or close to nonexistent sleep can leave even the most loving partners grouchy and irritable. Lack of sleep can cause depression and obesity, and neither condition is likely to create a loving feeling in your relationship. The secret to a happy marriage for the sleep deprived may be sleeping in separate beds…or as a last resort, bedrooms.

Sleeping alone can ease conflicts that arise when the sleep-deprived partner feels on edge. Many couples have learned that decamping to your own personal space doesn’t have to be a permanent arrangement, but it may be the needed solution to many bedtime dilemmas.

A 2015 survey by the National Sleep Foundation finds that almost one in four couples sleep in separate bedrooms or beds. Mattress Clarity, a mattress review site, surveyed 3,000 Americans and found about 31 percent of respondents are ready for a sleep break in their relationship.

Sleeping apart doesn’t mean…

Don’t think that separate sleeping means the end of your sexual relationship. Sleep is important, but even more important is knowing that one partner is loving enough to try something that makes life easier for their partner. That appreciation can lead to deeper affection and even better sex.

Sleeping apart can remove the element of habit from your sexual encounters and result in more excitement and passion. Adopting separate beds allow partners to avoid the feeling they are obliged to have sex. Sleeping in separate beds means partners have to give some thought to seeking out their significant other for intimacy. 

If you want to try sleeping apart from your partner, make sure you let them know you haven’t lost any love for them.

Explain, don’t blame.

Avoid telling your partner that they are keeping you awake with their snoring/thrashing/mumbling. When you don’t put them on the defensive, you’ll meet with much less resistance. Talk about both your needs, not just yours. Point out that you have different sleep styles that may be robbing you both of needed rest.

Make a suggestion, not a demand.

Explain that you are concerned about the sleep both of you are missing. Ask if they would be willing to try a change that could help both of you.

Keep up physical contact.

Don’t let the day go by without expressing your affection through touching. Kiss them goodbye in the morning, hug them while you’re fixing dinner together, and snuggle on the couch while streaming your favorite TV show.

Don’t forget sex.

Schedule date nights on your calendars. Your lives are busy. While you don’t necessarily have to pencil in nights for sex, you’ll want to remember to make intimacy a priority.

Express your appreciation.

Tell them you know they agreed to try sleeping apart because they recognize that restless nights were making you unhappy. Telling them you love that they want you to be happy, and that you are especially grateful that the two of you can have open communication and work things out together.

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